Pray for him

None of the staff will give me an answer if Logan will live through this infection. Things are not hopeful.

I have a hard time praying for him. I am trying. I am so mad at god or fate or whatever higher power is out there. Logan is inocent. Hasn't even seen the sunshine or felt a warm fleece blanket straight out of the dryer. He hasn't laid in grass or smelled the dirt after a spring rainshower. I have so much planned for him and he has so much life to live. How can this happen to him? What have I done to punish my little Logan?

All I've gotten to know of my baby was his little kicks and first smiles. I will always treasure that but call me greedy. I want to hold him without fear of his cables or hurting him. I want to snuggle on a cool day. I want to fall asleep on the couch with him in my arms. I want to hug him and never let go, but eventually I will because his classmates are waiting. I want to take him to stupid movies that he is so excited to see. I want to be there when he catches his first fish. I want to think it's cute that he has a girlfriend, but when it gets too serious think she isn't good enough for him. I want to cry at his wedding and cry when his child is born because his child will look like Logan should have.

It's not fair. I love him more than I can even express.

The day Logan can read this I may thank god. For now I can only try to plead and pray without cursing him at the same time. May he forgive me when the time is right.